‘Situationships’
By Annah Chinseu Kamwezi
Call them entanglements if you want. A situationship is any casual or sexual relationship that is not formally defined. It lives in a grey area, more than friendship, less than commitment. Now grab a cup, let me give you some tea. In this age of blurred lines, situationships have opened people’s eyes to the complicated dance between love, lust, and the longing to belong to someone.
Situationships often begin innocently: late-night conversations, “let’s grab coffee” texts, spontaneous outings, and a chemistry that feels undeniable. As Australian writer Allan Pease notes in Why Men Want Sex and Women Need Love, biology and psychology both play a role in attraction. Yet beyond body chemistry, other forces fuel these entanglements; ego, the thrill of the chase, inflated “market value,” dissatisfaction in current relationships, or the seductive pull of novelty. What starts as curiosity can quickly become a habit. Even through one-sided seduction, it still takes two to flirt their way into a situationship.
At its core, a situationship is hardly about long-term purpose. It thrives on immediacy. It feeds a short-term desire rather than a shared future. And while it may feel sweet in the moment, it often leaves behind emotions too strong to ignore; remorse, confusion, attachment, or a craving that resurfaces intermittently depending on time, proximity, and opportunity.
There is also a silent emotional asymmetry that plays out in many of these arrangements. On one side people lie to themselves that they are just passing time, then they catch feelings, and then they long for a well-defined relationship. Wait a minute, how do you ask a man what you are after giving him the oyster? How do you ask a lady why she withheld her dating status when you were busy offering too many girlfriend benefits without asking? Impulses.
Relationship or situationship? (Photo Credit: Internet)
The hope that the situationship would grow into something lasting, the desire to feel chosen, the fantasy of exclusivity, and the fear of confronting reality.
When fantasy collides with truth, disappointment sets in. What looked like connection reveals itself as convenience. This, ladies and gentlemen, is where people’s hearts get broken. They ask themselves why the other is not committing. It is in the word; a situationship. It cannot graduate into something tangible unless the two agree to start over, healthy and clean.
It is the reason why a random text “wanna grab a cup of coffee” during odd hours doesn’t come with a to- do list. One needs to be street smart to always read between the lines and act accordingly before they wake up the following morning with a bag of regrets.
Surprisingly, situationship knows no age limits. Yes, we hear bizarre stories from universities, but I will tell you there are people in their 30s still playing entanglements and having hearts broken. The one who sought pleasure may wake up to the weight of consequences. The one who sought love may confront the ache of unmet expectations. In the end, a situationship often exposes not just desire, but vulnerability; humans need to be seen, wanted, and valued beyond the moment.
Avoid the avoidable. Avoid being used. See a rebound request from afar and have the courage not to entertain things that only bring emotional damage. The talking stage should come with courage to define what two people truly want before stepping into the grey. While lust is powerful and stronger, clarity is wiser. In matters of the heart, ambiguity is rarely harmless.
